I figured, hey; why not share a little snippet from what would be a page from my diary if I actually kept one. Tonight, I would be writing about what I’m afraid of. Anyone reading this who actually knows me would say ants.... and while that may be very true, tonight I am digging a little deeper than that. There are a plethora of other things that scare me; failure, death, losing a loved one. But tonight one thing in particular weighs on my mind..... being forgotten.
When I say being forgotten, I don’t mean in the legacy sense. I am quite aware that one day, my own relatives won’t remember me... that doesn’t bother me. It’s being forgotten now. It’s people forgetting what I once meant to them, and what they once meant to me. It’s not looking at someone and remembering every detail of every special moment that we shared. It’s fading into the back of someone’s mind, until they’ve all but erased you from it. That is what scares me most.
I’m not saying that I want these people who I have, at one point or another, felt particularly close to, to think of my constantly. However, it would be comforting to know that there are occasional thoughts, memories if you will, of how good those relationships used to be. It stings the most, though, to begin to realize someone has forgotten you, when that person still weighs on your mind nearly every day. It’s natural to want to be remembered after you’re gone, but I am finding that I am much more concerned with being remembered and thought of while here. However this fear has caused me to realize that, unfortunately, this is not the case. Death doesn’t cause people to forget a person, its distance. Distance that can occur because of death, because of an argument, unfavorable circumstances, poor timing, or any reason really. I have found that those I have become distant with, they forget, I forget.... and I don’t know how okay I am with that.
Well... For what it’s worth... that’s what would have been written in my diary tonight if I actually kept one.
No comments:
Post a Comment